Greetings Friends! Here I am going to tell you all about the alien menace and how I came to discover it. To see more information on a subject click on the links to see my personal web-log entries.

It began in 2000 when I was contacted by Ziroch, the King of the Alien Bugs. The King took control of my computer and typed a message to me telling me of his plans to take over the world. Of course I did what any earth-loving pig would do - I squished him! After that I saw many more alien bugs, though none contacted me again. Alien bugs look sort of like a mutated cricket, they have gray and black striped bodies, and their legs are too big for their bodies.

Then, that same winter, a new member joined our household - a cat! I know what you are thinking, "Aww, a little kitty", but it's not that simple. This cat was not an ordinary cat, it was, in fact, Shelob the queen of the evil aliens! In 2001 we found ourselves beset with a new evil - the Alien general Moogle, and then in the summer of 2003 we were invaded by Intelligence Agent Feanor. In November 0f 2004 feanor fell attempting to deliver messages to the many cat henchmen outside our house, but before his demise he set up a replacement Intelligence Officer known as Nermal.

After much investigative work I discovered these facts about the aliens:

1. All cats are aliens from the planet Feline. The goal of all cats on Earth is to gain an understanding of earthlings so that they can use this information to discover their weakness and take over the world. 2. The alien's Mother Ship is in a holding pattern just outside of the earth's atmosphere. On the Mother Ship is not only the crew ( a special unit dispatched to Earth), but also a large cat army, waiting for the command to attack. 3. All aliens (cats) communicate to the Mother Ship with their transmitting antennas (whiskers). By trimming these "whiskers" the alien's communication is disabled. 4. All aliens receive messages from The -mother-Ship with their built in receiving antenna (their tails). 5. It is all right to allow aliens to receive messages as long as they can not send them. 6. When an alien does not communicate for awhile the Mother Ship will send another alien to help (we are currently up to three)! 7. The aliens have many weapons in their arsenal, including their allies the alien bugs. They also have toxic fluff, a substance that looks like dandelion fluff but releases fumes that cause the brain to forget that cats are really aliens. They can also send an alien spaceship anywhere to either pick up an alien, or to provide them with a means of communication. They can also use computers, encrytpting files for the Mother Ship in a web page, or prabably e-mailing them directly if the internet is available. 8. The alien Mother Ship has been to Earth at least once and is disguised as a white camper trailer with blue-green stripes.

What can we do against this menace? The most important thing is to make sure the cats DO NOT know that you're onto their secret identity. Once you do they will began trying to make you forget. The next thing you can do is to keep a strict eye on your alien and make sure that they learn as little about our way of life as possible. You can also keep in touch with others who have an alien infestation and exchange information, look for patterns in your alien's behavior. Also, be sure and contact me to share any facts you learn yourself!

UPDATE! It has come to my attention recently that the aliens have the ability to kidnap people and after reinserting alien brains, re-release them on our planet! Has somene you know been victim of their scheme? Know the signs!

1. Their usually grumpy personality is replaced with a kind, caring persona. 2. They suddenly have a love for all things cat related and may even bring the animals into an otherwise cat free home, or bring more into a household that is already infested. 3. They may also begin to collect cat memorabilia, knicknacks, posters, etc. or wear clothes with cats plastered on it. 4. They may begin putting pictures of cats, not only thier own but strange, unknown cats, in their homes, offices or on their webpages. 5. They suddenly become courteous and worry about your feelings, and the feelings of those around them. 6. Their intrests radically change. 7. They may seem air-headed suddenly, or forgetful. 8. In rare instances they have been known to pur when their chins are scratched

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